Epilepsy is a thief! It steals my daughter for minutes that seem like hours and renders me helpless. It brings fear! Fear of losing her, fear she’ll be bullied, fear of letting go, fear she’ll be treated as less, but…
epilepsy has taught me we are fighters, we are stronger than we thought and we will NEVER give up or lose hope! We are determined to keep educating and searching until a cure is found and epilepsy is locked away for good.
Epilepsy is heartbreak, but it is also happiness in the people we’ve met who we might never have known without it! Epilepsy is seizures, fears, tests, surgeries, medications, statistics, stigmas, tears, but it will not… it can not break me!
I’ve had a few conversations of late where people have mentioned they envy other people or other families. Not so much what they have, but how together they seem to have it. I always have the same answer… Some people are just better at hiding their issues than others!
I consider myself a pretty simple person and for the most part, I don’t try to hide or create a false sense of happy when I’m not. I think all of our emotions are important, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, I can be funny and I consider myself to be somewhat intelligent. I’m passionate and I’m loyal, but I also have many imperfections. I battle things like anxiety and depression and very rarely feel stress free, but I try not to let those things consume me and it can be a balancing act.
I’m learning I have triggers! Sometimes an uncomfortable situation or a person who knows how to press my buttons can make balancing everything feel much harder. I would say, and it’s probably like this for most people, stress is my biggest trigger. I also find a lot of my anxiety lies within my own lack of confidence in my abilities. The thing is… I know I’m fully capable of anything I put my mind to, but sometimes I seek out negative feedback so I can say see I’m not good enough! Wow… I can’t believe I just wrote that! Curse you self-doubt!
Since developing anxiety, the hardest thing for me has been trying to undo all of the false truths I’ve put into my mind. When I first developed anxiety I didn’t understand it and I would avoid any place or anything (food, drink, action…) that seemed to trigger my anxiety and bring on a panic attack. This can make a person agoraphobic very quickly and in part that’s what happened to me.
My friends didn’t understand the anxiety so they slowly disappeared and while it’s hard to admit I’m not sure I would’ve been much different had the shoe been on the other foot. I became so afraid of people not understanding and/or judging me so I stopped working full-time and only held small, intermittent, part-time jobs. I created a little safety bubble and I didn’t drift far from it. However, I became so depressed about not being able to do easy tasks or enjoy simple outings with my family, that I decided something had to change.
I decided to slowly start exposing myself to situations that would make me feel uncomfortable and trigger the anxiety that would often lead to the panic attacks. Sometimes it was and still is really difficult, but now instead of fleeing I try to push myself to stay and work through it. Not every attempt is successful and sometimes I do have to leave, but I’ve found the more I expose myself to things the easier it gets. My mantra has become I can sit home, be miserable and panic or I can get out, have a good time and maybe not panic at all! In my mind, anything was better than where I was, even if the steps I took were only baby ones.
Today I’m much better than I was, but not quite where I’d like to see myself. I’m a work in progress! Every day is a challenge and some days are better than others, but being willing to try is half the battle!
Did you know there are 65 million people living with Epilepsy worldwide? Of those 65 million 375,000 live right here in Florida! Epilepsy is a diagnosis usually given to someone who has 3 or more unprovoked seizures and a seizure, in its simplest term, is an abnormal electrical discharge in the brain. Epilepsy is not contagious, it does not discriminate and it is not a disease!
With Purple Day (March 26th) not that far off, I thought what better way to get ready for it than to have an Origami Owl Fundraiser and have a portion of the proceeds go to the Epilepsy Foundation of Florida. I also decided to have it online because I know there are purple warriors like us all over the United States and all over the world for that matter.
If you haven’t heard of Origami Owl, they offer a new and unique twist on personalized jewelry, beautiful customizable lockets with interchangeable charms! I first spotted theses lockets when, The Mom Buzz, a fellow member of The Tampa Bay Bloggers posted a link on Facebook and I fell in love with them. I contacted Paula Hebner, the Origami Owl representative, and asked if she could make one specific for Epilepsy and I loved what she came up with.
There are so many choices! Perhaps you’d like a simpler locket with a few special charms for someone special in your life, maybe your mom, sister, daughter or a good friend!
I am so excited to share this amazing line with you all and it’s so easy to get started:
2) Click HERE or on one of the picture above and comment on this “event” that you placed an order, and make SURE to include your order number, so the donation gets credited to the Epilepsy Foundation of Florida.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask Paula Hebner, my Origami Owl representative, or you can contact her via email at phebner@cfl.rr.com or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/411911052229915/
Some helpful tips if you run into ordering issues:
*Use Firefox or Chrome browsers (the website does not like IE or Safari)
*Use a physical PC. Mobile/tablet orders can be wonky.
*ensure your correct city is chosen from the drop down if your zip code covers more than one city *choose the shipping option you would like.
*clear your cookies and cache
~Unfortunately this fundraiser is only available in the United State at this time~
Why is it the moment I plop my bottom into a dentist’s chair I’m instantly reduced to infant status?
I guess my fear could be the related to the dentist I went to when I was about 15 who argued about whether or not I could feel him drilling into my tooth during a root canal. Or it might have to do with paying through the nose for sedation dentistry, when my teeth went to pot after the birth of my daughter, only to find out later the work was done incorrectly. Whatever the reason, couple it with my anxiety and all I know is I’m a hot mess when it comes to going to the dentist!
~Photo courtesy of my husband who seemed to find my whole dentist ordeal humorous~
So what brought me to this dentist chair?
Well…
I feel the need to give you a little back story into my experiences with the dentist prior to this one so here goes…
After I had my darling daughter my teeth were not in great shape and a friend, knowing my fear of the dentist, recommended sedation dentistry!
Sedation dentistry… Do they do that?
Apparently they do!
Being asleep, while having everything done all at once, sounded…
AWESOME!
However, as my mother would say “it wasn’t cheap” and shortcuts aren’t always the best option.
My fears outweighed my rational and I put out a small fortune for this comfort.
A few years later I started noticing problems with my teeth, the spacing between my molars, the distance between the crown enamel and my gums, and finally a crown came loose and I inadvertently swallowed it.
Our financial situation had changed and we weren’t able to lay out the money we had previously, which led to a very shitty experience that didn’t pan out to well (there are a few puns here but you won’t get them unless you click the previous link). In short they couldn’t replace the crown and I couldn’t afford what they wanted to do because we simply did not have the money.
I was left feeling very insecure about my smile and to make things worse another tooth had started to go bad on the other side of my mouth. I went to see the orthodontist who pulled my wisdom teeth to see about getting the missing crown tooth pulled and a fake tooth put in to replace it. He said he could do it, but recommended I see another dentist first and I reluctantly made the appointment.
I was feeling pretty good on the day of my appointment, my anxiety was low and I felt confident, but that changed the moment I arrived and signed in. I could feel myself starting to get anxious and that fight or flight feeling associated with anxiety slowly started to creep up on me. By the time I was brought back to the chair I was having a complete blubbering mess in the throws of a full blown panic attack! The dentist and his staff were really sweet and understanding, but I was already more than embarrassed. These were people I’d never met, who’d just witnessed me have a panic attack and cry like a baby, what were they going to think of me? I wanted out of there as fast I my feet could carry me! I made a call to my husband who quickly came to my rescue.
There office called several times asking if I’d like to come back in and get the work started? I was so embarrassed by it all I felt like I didn’t want to go to any dentist ever again.
Well that theory was all well and good until a crown came loose last week!
Arrrrggghhh!
For fear of swallowing another crown I decided to give the previous dentist another go. After all, it wasn’t their fault I freaked out, they were more than nice and had been really understanding during my panic attack.
This time I took my husband with me, who enjoyed making me laugh and taking oh so flattering pictures like this one of me getting an impression.
You know they gave me a novacaine shot that made me smile like a stroke victim and kiddie sized glasses that make my head look like an oversized potato, but I was doing it and you know what…
It wasn’t too bad!
I think having my hubby there to make me giggle and distract me, in those moments when they’re not in the room, really helped keep me out of my own head (if that makes sense)! I ended up having the crown redone and I’ve set up another appointment to get the rest of my work done.
If I could offer up what I’ve learned through this process it would be to get second opinions, see a few different dentists before you make a decision! Sedation dentistry was great, I won’t lie, but it was also short lived bliss because the work wasn’t done well! Find out what the office does in the event you should have problems and how long they will cover your dental work!
Me… I’m really looking forward to being able to smile again and say goodbye to that insecurity and my irrational fear of dentists!
This is my favorite time of year in Florida, when the sun is shining but it’s still breezy enough for a trip to the beach or a walk around the parks without feeling like you’ll die of heat exhaustion.
This past weekend it was my birthday, so my family and I decided to go on a little trip to Homosassa Springs Wildlife Park. I love this particular park because you can see and learn a lot without all the hustle and bustle of the bigger theme parks. The walkways are set up beautifully and I can stop to take photographs, while Meg runs back and forth between her daddy and I, without the fear of losing her to a crowd.
I think this Homosassa park is one of Florida’s many hidden gems! Their educational programs include a 53-year-old hippopotamus named Lu, a manatee viewing center, alligators and some close up encounters with their reptiles. They also recently added a shore bird aviary exhibit equipt with a nicely sized viewing area. Between the beautiful weather, being with my family, and having my camera in tow it was the perfect way to spend my birthday.
My husband knows how much I enjoy taking pictures so last year he decided to buy me a lovely Cannon Rebel. I’m really enjoying playing with it and learning how to use all its fabulous settings. Over Christmas my sister and her boys let me take their family photos. I think they came out pretty good considering I’m still a fairly novice photographer.
We drove to two locations, but settled on the second as it had a few different areas with lots of colors and textures which made for interesting pictures. I had so much fun, they’re a good-looking bunch and were willing to try anything I asked. Of course we had to do one picture Gangnam Style as my youngest nephew is a fan! I definitely think we might have to head back there again soon as I’ve got a few more great photo ideas.
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